When you eat a whole block of Velveeta cheese you will go through all five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
There comes a time in every man’s life when he inexplicably and inexorably eats an entire block of Velveeta cheese. It is normal and natural and nothing to be ashamed of but understanding the process can help alleviate the guilt one may feel.
First, is is vital to know that even though you purchased the cheese and brought it home and ate it, it is not your fault. As Milli Vanilli once said, “You’ve got to blame it on something, blame it on the rain. Oh-wuh-oh-oh.” That advice is crap blame it on someone you hate. As you work through the block of cheese you will work through each of the stages of grief and when you are done you will feel truly free. Constipated, probably, but free.
